randomz-tephiee

So Far...

Hmm.. I have missed blogging for a while now. Since my third semester ended, I was hoping to continue to blog but the workload in semester 4 consumed much of my time and hence the result of neglecting my lovable blog! Hehe...

So, what has been happening with me since the last time I blogged?! Hmm..well, alot actually. I am now a garduate of Insearch: UTS. I have learnt a whole lot about myself, my life, my future aspirations, my relationships with my family, friends and most of all God, have changed alot...

Im at lost now as to where to even begin and to make up for all the lost times I haven't been blogging.

I guess I'll start with I have received this year as my goal. When I stepped in the year 2007, I was overwhelmed with the sense of peace, contentment, excitement, anticipations (as always), and security. At the beginning of each year I would always feel afraid and insure as to what the new year would bring, but when the year 2007 stared me in the face, I was compelled with the feeling of positivity.

I don't know what lies ahead of me but I did know that all that I have sewed in the past years I knew I was going to reap in this new year. All the hardwork that I had put in, I felt was going to be paif off this year.

With this "promise" I took it and ran through the beginning of 2007 with confidence and a heart full of hope.

Now, half way through 2007, I have experienced, seen, felt, and treasured little tastes of success and all things great that is just waiting for me in the coming months.

These great things that I have experienced over the past few months include:
1. I have grown to love my Sunday School kids even more. Its like the more time I spend with them, my heart grows larger and larger with warm affection for them. Affection for them to grow into great conquers. To grow into loving citizens of the world. For them to be an impact in their small atmospheres. For them to grow with the hope that amongst the darkness and cruelty of the world, they are the light and they shine through and through...

I know it may sound off or weird and abit wishful of me but seriously, each time I see my Sunday School kids, I deeply believe that they will be greater than all they can imagine. And every time I'm away from them, I feel lost and at times alone because I don't get to teach them.

But I have learnt that with them comes patience, love and care. You may hate them for not paying attention but you love them when they are sad, or have fallen over and scraped their knees, or even just when they come to you and give you a great big warm hug. Hmm...which leads me to my next point...

2. Guys! Strangley enough, I am considered to be a conserved and quite girl but then here I am opening myself to talk about things I am traditionally known to have kept to myself.

I guess, as I said, it is a new year, so I guess its a new Stephanie. Hmm... yes, guys like my Sunday School kids are at worst the most unbearable "creatures" that have roamed this earth, yet are the only ones who can both pass on the feelings of love and hate. You THINK that you are fine without them, but then you FEEL that its ot like turning a light switch on or off. -difficult-

Well, what I have learnt from this aspect in my life, so far, is that everything you experience has a purpose. If you are acquainted with a guy through situations unknown, believe that there is a purpose and if it doesn't work then may be that acquaintance was a character building, where there was a lesson to be learnt. You may realise that you are more attracted to a certain type of guy and at the end of the day, it only helps you to further define the mould of the man you know you want. Hahaha...man, I sound a bit queer just then!

But yeah, that's what I think and I just pull myself through each time with the understanding that I now know what works for me and what doesn't. For example, as you know, I come from an Asian background but I was brought up in a multicultural society, where opinions mattered and relationships between other races was accepted. This is where my problem roots. I have always grown up with the idea that I would only date guys from my background nationality because to me it was much easier. Easier in terms of relating to my family traditionals, customs, etc. But then as they years have passed and my family have actually broken this traditional ideology, as my cousins now date other Asians and Europeans. With this in mind, I have started to change also.

So all in all, this has been a new experience for me where I guess it is also time for my mind and ideologies to change about my "ideal" male. Hahaha.. But will I get dissappointed? Yes, I will! Will it be difficult for me? Yes, it will! But all comes into experience and I believe that along with experience comes maturity. =)

So, my mould of relationships has been broken and now await the time and chance to learn something new with relationships as I believe that experiences can only make me a better person, inside and out.

3. My family. My dear, lovable family. Over these few months, I have learnt to be more open with them. Allow them to know what's going on with me. Through past family experiences, I have learnt that secrets and betrayals have become a frequent feature in my family I have come to the conclusion that it is best to be honest rather than be found out as a liar.

So now, I have taken initiative to talk to my mum about all things in my life. My studies, my future, my career aspirations, my friends, my relationships with God and most of all (as all parents would like to know) my "problem" and acquaintances with guys.

That last point that I have seriously considered as most of the past familial problems have arisen due to this. Now I have sat my mum down and basically been opened to her about everything. Now she and I have a common understanding and trust that I had ever been able to gain with her before.

I see and have learnt now that once your honest life is much easier and more carefree because I feel that I don't have to hide anything. Plus, I think that even parents don't want to create barriers (curfew, chores etc.) if we are honest with them in the first place.

4. God. Over these few months, He has shown me wonderful things that I thought WAS once impossible. He has opened my eyes through experiences in my studies, my marks that has enabled me to really grasp my new year's "promise" and just sprint my way through 2007.

I have experienced amazing things with God, in these past months that just solidify the "promises" I have received for this year. My last semester in Insearch, was awesome. His hands were never far from me. I learnt, through Him, to be more confident and positive about my future despite the circumstances because my past has been a test of trials and my future will be the same BUT my past has also proven to show that through all my trials I have succeed and grown into a much better person.

Aww.. I just feel that each step and each day that passes, with God, just brings me a step closer to the fulfillment of my dreams and aspirations in life.

Hmm... what else?!

I guess I'll keep you posted. Now that I'm back into blogging, I will keep it up to date.

posted by tephiee @ 6:20 PM