randomz-tephiee

The clarity of His voice brings both joy and sadness...

On the final night of the Conference Pastor Christine Caine had preached about "God's assignment" and the "alarm clock." She shared about how God has given us an "assignment" or called us to do something but all this time we've just be sitting around and wasting time by pressing the "snooze button" of our "alarm clock" (representative of God's assignment) because we say 'God, I don't have the time!' or 'God I'm not married yet!' or 'God my kids are still young!' and all sorts of excuses are "thrown" His way just so we can "justify" our act to hit the snooze button.

That night the preaching really got me about what my "assignment" was and where am I at the moment in "completing" that "assignment."

I felt the Spirit that night remind me of my call for Indonesia ("break my heart for what breaks Yours") and that night after the preching and prayer time I came to the conclusion that I had to live radically for Him otherwise there was no point!

God spoke to me personally on a level I have never experienced before! It was amazing! During the preaching His Spirit confronted me about how the whole world is "groaning" for help but we (the children of God) are just sitting on our bottoms and doing nothing to bring relievement and salvation. I learnt that I need to seek foolishly for God and His will. I need to just do it no matter what people say! I want to be foolish for no one else but God!

But the most intimate and revealing conversation I've had so far with God was that night when Pastor Christine asked us to pray and to respond to the "assignment" God has given us.

So I just took that time to pray and earnestly seek His will for me. I spoke a simple prayer: 'God do what you want in me. You know this year is a pivitol year for me in that I will be graduating from uni and will ahve to start work. I truly want to seek Your will and let it be done in me this year! I will not leave this place until I receive a clear directove from you!'

And after saying that prayer this was my "conversation" with God:-
GOD: What are you going to do in July this year?
STEPH: I'm going to Indonesia because 2 of my cousins are getting married.
GOD: What else do you plan to do?
STEPH: I want to travel to Malaysia and Thailand because I haven't been there and would love to go!
-- And through my Spiritual eyes I could see my hand writing the words 'Malaysia' and 'Thailand' --
GOD: I don't want you to go to there.
-- And God's hand holding an eraser stared to erase the my writing 'Malaysia' and 'Thailand' --
STEPH: What are you doing God? Why are you rubbing it out?
GOD: Because I don't want you to go there.
STEPH: Why not?! I have every right to go! I have worked hard, even working 6 days a week just so I could save my money and travel! I deserve to enjoy that holiday!
GOD: I just don't want you to go! This is not the time.
STEPH: Oke Lord, let's just say I agree with you and not go to Malaysia and Thailand, so what do you want me to do with the money I have saved up? It's quite a large sum of money.
GOD: I want you to use it in Indonesia only. I want you to use it to bless churches and children in Indonesia!
-- I "freaked" out! (to say the least!) I "screamed" in Spirit (though dismally because I knew that when God wants something from us there is no way out and we just have to obey but I just tried anyway for the sake of it) --
STEPH: Why are you doing this???!!! Don't you think I deserve to have fun and enjoy all that I've worked hard for?! I've saved all that money with my "blood, sweat and tears!!!" It's not a "small" amount of money (for me) God!! How could you do this to me? I want to use that money to travel because it's my own, I didn't ask $1 from my parents and now YOU want to take it away?! (Though knowing full well God's Word about where your wealth is there is your heart and i knew that God was testing me whether I truly loved Him and not my money)God don't you know that I would love to travel? That is one of my goals. Does that not count anymore? Do my goals not matter to You anymore?
*we had to end the "conversation" there because the Conference had ended but I knew my Spirit was not done yet "arguing with the Lord so I continued when I got home. I shared with my mum and as I shared with her the Spirit just kept spilling over me with tears of laughter and joy and His revelations wouldn't stop!* (So this is the continuation of my "conversation" with God while I was sharing with my mum.

GOD: Yes Stephanie I do acknowledge your passion and goal to travel the world. I know how much you would love to travel and because I know how much it means to you I want to give it to Myself! You will travel the world one day free because someone is going to bless you with a free ticket! That's how much I love you that I want you to travel and experience the world because of ME and because of who I am in you and not because of your own "blood, sweat and tears" (as you say)
-- Just fell into Holy Spirit laughter and honestly almost disbelief --
STEPH: Really Lord? You would actually do that for me? You love me that much that you want to give what I want?
GOD: Yes, just believe! Just as My Word stands true for Pastors you've heard stories about expense-free travel, you too will have that!
-- Cries in excitement and overflowing with love and thanksgiving --
STEPH: So what do you want me to do in Indonesia?
GOD: Use the money you have saved up to bless churches and children there. Teach whatever you can and start laying down the foundations for continual blessings between Indonesia and Australia (God's call for me from 2009). Because the contentment and joy I have prepared for you when you fulfill My call is much more rewarding than a holiday to Malaysia or Thailand or any sum of money!

*END OF CONVERSATION*

And that's when I knew exactly what I had to do for this year. It was not traveling and filling my "human desires" with temporary things but rather to do the will of the Lord, which will being me more content and joy than amount of money can bring!

And after more prayers and intimate talks with God, He revealed to me what He wants from me and how to go about it. I knew how my journalism was going to be used to do God's will and His Word for me and that was to make a documentary about children in Indonesia and how they live and how we in the "affluent" world can help these kids receieve basic necessities. I knew then that all my media related skills were not going to a waste because He is going to use it in combination with my passion-kids and teaching. The teaching comes into play when I teach the kids whatever I can from english to basic reading, writing, counting etc.

So am I exicted for 2010?! Yes!!! Am I scared?! No because whatever He has planned for me I believe is good and having Him on my side I know that there is nothing against me! (Plus during this year's retreat God's message for me was: 'I have placed you on the path you walk now. I am with you all the way!' (How awesome is out God?! He reassures us all the time!)

So I just ask all my friends, yes that means YOU! to keep me in your prayers and truly may the will of the Lord be done in all our lives just like it is in heaven! =)

posted by tephiee @ 11:35 PM