randomz-tephiee

Hide & Seek

God hides things from us so we are drawn closer to Him and not the blessing.

posted by tephiee @ 2:17 PM 0 comments

You think you know yourself until...

It has been a few weeks since I last posted. I've been busy with the final weeks of semester and I have to admit I neglected my blog. Sorry.

So the holidays have begun, no more deadlines, no more editing, no more essays or stories to file, I'm left with timeless days that are filled with nothing.

I haven't been bothered with looking for jobs, studying to get my license, buying and learning how to wear contact lenses or even writing a book for someone who has requested me to do so for the past few months.

You may question: why Steph have you not started to do any of these things?

My answer: honestly I don't know.

I guess since coming back from Indonesia earlier this year I have been afraid to "plan" anything. And because I'm not planning I feel as though I have no "motivation' or any need to "do anything." Hence, resulting in my inactive, unproductive self these past few weeks.

[Strange & random I feel as though writing is a therapeutic and relaxing way for me to "cleanse" and "unclog" myself from everything I feel. Writing in this blog has opened up so many new revelations for me and I've realised that I shouldn't stop. Because this is me.

Oke so back to how you really don't know yourself until...something major happens in your life that defines you, or when you experience a death in the family, or when you lose your job or when things you take comfort in are shaken to the ultimate core. And everything you think was or sure or for certain no longer exists. And you're then comforted with something strange, weird, unwanted, undesired and often you turn away from it.

I hope I'm not losing your interest so I'll explain. All this time I thought I knew myself. I knew what kind of person I was, I knew what I wanted in life, I knew what my plan was, I knew where I was heading until... today and yesterday.

Yesterday: I was sleeping over my aunt's place and I was talking to her about what has been happening these past few weeks. And somehow midway through our conversation I realised how God was taking me on a journey of discovery. I learned that He had been planning for me to do some kind of church work. My friends had always encouraged me and say that I would end up in that field but until He told I never took it seriously.


Today: I was watching 'Marley & Me' and I found myself attracted to the occupation "columnist." I know that somewhere deep down in me I would do something in the church but if I had to choose an occupation in mainstream media it would be to be a columnists. Because after "examining" the character 'John Grogen' played by Owen Wilson I found myself just like John. I want to write what interests me and make it relevant to people's interest. I didn't want to just report but I wanted to write what interests me and let that be a blessing for others. And I guess that's what I'm trying to do with my blog and hopefully one day I can turn it into a book. So it seems that I'm even surprising myself. Through everything in my life I'm learning things about myself that shake what I previous knew.


As all this time I thought I knew myself but it seems that everyday He is showing me something. And it's making my journey and relationship with me Him even more exciting because everything is unexpectant. And so I'm looking forward to each day with Him.

posted by tephiee @ 4:57 PM 0 comments