Wear those heels, girl!
I started a new casual job (Saturdays only) today at a retail store. I was offered this job some time ago but I hesitated because I wasn't confident with myself in serving the retail store's target market and also because I had other things going on on Saturdays.
But today I made it to work. And as I sat there thinking about my "purpose" in this job. 'Why is God putting in this place? Why is God putting me in a situation where I feel most vulnerable? Why is God putting me in situations where I feel "uncomfortable"?' And why do I feel these things you may ask? I guess my only explanation is: I'm afraid of letting go of my comforts and stepping up in confidence and stepping closer to the fulfillment of His calling in me.
In this job I'm learning to grow in confidence. Confidence in myself (that I can do things when I put myself out there), confidence in my communication skills, confidence in being comfortable in the "skin" and "design" God has already moulded me to be yet I haven't fully "developed" into it yet. And most of all I think I'm put in this job to be more sensitive to His Word and to be a blessing to the people I meet! Who knows as much as they are blessed by my customer service, I too will be blessed!
And as a side bonus: I'm learning how to maximise my make-up skills, fashion look and my skills in walking in heels.
Whatever You're preparing me for and where ever You're preparing to take me through this job, I am in total surrenderance, Lord!
Why don't I just save myself all the trouble and do as He says?
I've recently been troubled by the things in my life. So many things going on and I'm starting to feel like I'm "drifting away" and falling into a routine. I'm not doing things out of passion or drive but purely out of 'because I have to.' And I'm finding it to be very very uncomfortable and more tiring. For example, I'm heading towards the end of this uni semester and eventhough I'm taking part time study I feel like I have alot of work load. I think many other factors have come into play that has contributed to the consumption of my time, effort and energy such as family, ministry, 'thinking' about work etc. All of these things are pulling me away from what I am, who am and who I am supposed to be.
I was starting to feel like I was losing my "identity" in my ministry, uni, family, looking for work in the sense my purpose in these avenues have changed because of getting tired, busy, lack of direction and focus.
And this morning in church I reminded through the preaching that God can give me whatever it is I want: a job, clear direction of His plan, able to save money etc. but what really wants from me is to forget about "working" for the things you want and start doing what He wants and has called me to do, which is write the book, re-focus on your ministry, use your talents and what's in your hand for the greater extension of His kingdom.
I've come to this understanding through the recent experiences and feelings I've been having lately. The feelings of loneliness, loss of identity, tired, routine etc. And those are all the signs God's is giving me to show me that I need to come back to His original purpose for me. And this was what I taught to the kids this morning: to find out what God wants from us, use our hobbies and interests to glorify His name.
It's a wonderful thing when I get to teach and later find out through the Holy Spirit that the message was alot more directed at me than for anybody else, even the kids. That's why I believe every valuable sharing grows from experiencing the Word yourself first before it can be shared to others. One of the amazing things I love about teaching! =)
So I guess this blog post is about me re-aligning myself with Him and coming back to my "post" or "Godly assignment." And to confirm all this was when I was looking for job vacancies online about 30 mins ago. I was trawling through and felt strange and uncomfortable. I couldn't pin point it. But after taking a shower I knew what was happening. God was reminding me that everything I have now is not because of me. It wasn't through my own efforts. Everything I have has been literally given to me. And so even work if work is what I'm looking for then surely God will give it to me but what was uncomfortable about it was that God was reminding me that it was not "secular" work He wanted me to do but rather my ministry and expanding what He was placed in my hands to extend His kingdom. And further confirmation was when I was shooting some footage at church this morning. I had the video, tripod and everything and I felt like this was also another contribution of my talents that could be developed and used to glorify His kingdom. Not to just use my media skills for uni or secular purposes but to eventually use it for Him!
(Oke, I'm stopping now because I feel like I'm writing an essay!) hehehe...
