Who are you afraid of?
MYSELF! I have recently haunted by this question to the extent that the answer disturbs me. I mean people have fears but I have recently discovered that I fear myself. I fear what I potentially can be and what I am right now. I'm afraid of pursuing my potentials. I'm afraid of what I can do. I'm afraid of basically everything about me.
People ask me about what I'm doing in my time off uni and I say to them that I'm "looking" for work experience. The word "looking" means that I am DOING. I am out there. But in reality, I'm not. I'm at home. This poses my above title
'who are you afraid of?'Simple! As I said, MYSELF.
I guess I'm afraid of rejection. *wow! big deal?! who cares!*
I'm afraid of change. *change which I know in my heart will be good for me*
I'm afraid of putting people out. *I don't like making trouble for people* (hahaha, sounds cliche)
Most of all I'm afraid of becoming the person I am "destined" to be and become something that I cannot associate with.
In my last point there, what I mean is that I know that I change and grow to become the person who I am supposed to be but I'm afraid that that person is someone I don't recognise.
I guess, I'm walking through a process of discovering myself, my limits, my dreams, and aspirations. I'm travelling on the boat through the winds and waves of doubt, despair, uncertainty, reality, and honesty. All in the quest to wheather out the hardships and be the person I am genuinely "destined" to be.
To keep ironing through all the creases in this dress of mine to become the best looking, adaptable, dependable dress on the rack...After all, it is all about working through the tough times to become the best you can be!
A Milestone Achieved!
Haven't been blogging for a couple of weeks now. I was losing sight of my motivation and purpose of blogging. But now I'm back in.
So about 2 weeks ago, I went to my graduation. I felt ot wasn;t such a big deal since it was only a diploma. Like if it was my bachelor then I would be out of my way to get everyone to know about it.
I got my mum to attend the ceremony, which was very brief. I had lunch with her afterwards, where we chatted about my future and plans. I guess, at this point I was pretty sure of myself in terms of what I want to do in life and what to become of myself.
You know I like the course that I was doing and wnted to pursue it (Media and Communications) But as I was getting back into my relationship with God, I started to question what I REALLY wanted in my life. What had HE already planned out for me.
Back in year 2004, when I got baptized, I got my message about how my life would be once I surrendered all. And as I started to take my "baby steps" in my new borned life, I experienced great change and signs that showed me that someone was watching over me and I knew who.
I began to stir up confidence in myself to the point that I was elected School Captain. I gained respect and acknowledgment among me peers, who I was once afraid of, and had the opportunity to meet influential people such as the Govenor, ministers, and several other respected community members. I began to have deep conversations with my uncle who enlightened my perspectives on how these things are planned and how these things/experiences are to shape the person I am "destined" to be.
So I took it all in and just walked in faith about it. And now 3 years, looking back, I see myself and see the changes, the success, the failures, the peace, the rafting waves, the joys, and the sorrows. All combined together to make me who I am today. A person who has got her diploma and continually stepping out in faith.
My point: things may happen in your life for weird and unknown reasons. Once you take the risk, and step into your situation and walk out again, you will have stepped out a better, greater, adn wiser person.
Things don't happen for no reason. Sometimes these reasons are just more "concealed" than others. And at times,
its just your perspectives that need some changing... Not your circumstances...The grass is NOT greener on the other side!
