Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3...
So, I went to a wedding about 2 weeks ago... It was my mum's cousin's wedding at the Stamford Hotel in Double Bay... We had the ceremony in the courtyard and the reception in the ballroom...
I was asked to be the translator at the ceremony and the MC for the reception... Oh, what an experience that was...!!
I enjoyed myself most of the time but the thing that made that day memorable was the experience I had...
I have done speeches in the past... I've spoken to large crowds in shopping malls, a school assemblies and even met with politicians but this wedding was a totally different ball game for me..
Mind you, I was prepared (well, as prepared as I could ever be) but of course, you can't be 100% prepared for these things... but I learnt alot from the things that I didn't prepare... I learnt to be more confident yet be relaxed at the same time... have fun but also be mindful of your responsibilites... and a whole lot more...
Throughout the day, I was on the verge of total breakdown... like I felt like the pressure was on... pressure that was not necessarily brought on by the groom and bride but pressure from myself to push myself to be better and better...
It was total chaos in my mind.. Conflicting viewpoints that raged in my mind... And in the midst of total catastrophe in my mind... the raging fire of confusion in my mind was doused with encouragement from my friends and the spirit of not giving up...
At this point, I knew that I was given this responsibility not just as a coincidence but as a lesson for me... but at that moment I didn't really get the lesson... All I thought was 'man, what did you get yourself into?' Until, I was reasoned with the notion that I am able to do this.. I am created to do this... I can do this...
It a lesson for me to expand and exercise my potential.. and experience what may lay ahead of me in life...
So, what I learnt was that you may be placed in situations where it may be difficult but it is during those times where you really are exposed and have to step up... and you may realise that when you do step up, you find comfort and settled grounding there...
So have a go.. step up... you never know unless you try...
Culture Clash!
As you may know, I was born in Australia but my parents are from Indonesia.. I've always been brought up in a traditional Asian household that strongly founds itself on Christianity, family, discipline, and basic Asian values & morals... BUT I have always been surrounded and influenced 80% of the time by my Western culture... the culture of freedom of speech, independence, and basically everything Australian...
Suddenly, now at the age of exploration and trial, I am at a crossroads... I am deeply rooted in both cultures yet they both seem to walk in opposite directions...
This, I recently experienced with some of my friends... I have always felt comfortable with my HS friends... friends mostly from Europe and the West... I guess, its been my upbringing, which allows me to feel this kind of relaxation when I hang out with them... The "real" me is revealed..
Yet, I know my family is the type who strongly support a same culture relationship... And I've tried to have this with my other friends... but I can never be able to "connect" with them as I do with "mixed cultures" The jokes they find funny and amusing is what I find lame and stupid... and the jokes that I find funny are jokes that are lame to them...
I guess, its a battle for me to pin point a line of distinction between both cultures... and decide which one really suits me...It just gets tiring for me to choose which "side" I want to be on..
I know that I can have both but there are days when I just get home after a day out with friends and think 'man, that was a waste of time.. I didn't even enjoy myself' or there are times when I think 'ma, this is what I like... I like to hang around these people more...' But its the "authorities" that set certain boundaries.. any sometimes I feel that these authorities may even be myself at times... Because I feel insecure about myself and hence make distance with certain cultures (west or east) Insecure about what is acceptable or unacceptable in different cultures, what is right and wrong etc.
Hmm.. its all part of my journey to discover the person I am destined to be and if it means going through all this then I am up for it...
Life is life because of its adventures, challenges, fun and games...
Script of Life...
I'm sure you've experienced, at one stage in your life, when you think 'hmm..what would my life be like in another 5 years? or what career will I pursue? is my boyfriend/girlfriend the person I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life?' I'm sure everyone has experienced this... But the thing that strikes me the most is the uncertainty in life that intrigues me...
I wonder alot about how my life would pan out to be...if the course that I will be doing is the right course... or is the uni I enrolled to is the right one... what if the career that I envisage for myself is too much for me or I can't make...???
The sea of doubt, uncertainty, fear and the unknown overwhelms my spirit of adventure, light, hope and faith to the extent that even I question my own capabilities...
It is then that I begin to ponder about my future...Taking myself onto the train of imaginative journey...
You see, these past few years, I have been certain with what I want to do and what I want to be in life but of course when reality hits, its like all that you have believed in is shattered and then turns into dust...
Until...you are acquainted with people who see much more than you see... They see beyond your limitations and see the creativity, the potential and the passion for something that is so much greater... That is me.
I continually wonder why I am acquanited with people such as these...??? What is it that they see? Why do they see these things?? I know my limitations and capabilities... I know that cannot do everything...
I've learnt that it is not everything that they want you to do... It is the things that you are capable of doing, is what drives these people to motivate and encourage you to do things that you say you can't do...At the moment, I say I want to do media and communications... I say I want to be a journalist... I say this and that.. this and that... but my mind keeps on repeating negativity to the extent that I even believe so...
I guess, through this post, I've learnt that in times of doubt and uncertainty about your future... in the midst of darkness look for the light of hope.. the person who is continually encouraging you... its not a coincidence that they are there... they are there because you are destined to fulfill your passion, you dream...
