A thanksgiving heart
I had been frustrated at work today. Just a couple of issues that really got me upset about my job. Nothing too serious!
I was talking to my mum hoping to get all the 'stress' out of me but instead I was turned from the inside out.
After my talk with my mum, I was looking through photos of people I had met during my time in Jkt last July. They were mostly people from my Aunty's church.
I began to remember the times I had shared with them, the experiences I had, the lessons I had learnt and promised myself to never repeat and complain about when I got back to Sydney.
And funnily enough here I was complaining and being frustrated over my work. Work that I should really be appreciative for because having learnt such invaluable lessons from my new found friends in Jkt, from my Aunty's church, the school-I realised that compared to them, I have so much more to be grateful for. Grateful for my God, for my family, my job, my opportunities.
But most of all it reminded me of my promise to God while I was in Jkt. My promise not to complain about my circumstance but to thankful and move forward.
I've learnt that my time in Jkt was spent wisely to allow me to grow and mature as a daughter of God who knows the heart of her Father and what He wills for her.
So my encouragement today is to be thankful always in every situation. No matter how much you feel you deserve to complain, keep your mouth shut and praise God! He has prepared you to get through the season of struggle and frustration with victory at hand!!! Want to be a winner? Be thankful always!!!
Back to school
After my first day of Hillsong College (Enrolments&Orientation) I've learnt 3 things:
1. I have "gold" in me which is Godly instilled. And my time at Hillsong College will help me unravel through the 'dirt' to find my Godly 'gold' to glorify His Kingdom.
2. I am being moulded from a student and into a leader.
3. I will be propelled into my destiny. I just have to be opened to God and opened to where God wants to take me.
I'm excited to begin this journey and to just fully throw myself at what God has planned for my life. But of course as humans do I question sometimes.
Just this morning I woke up with a sudden feeling of anxiousness. I began to question what I will gain from doing this Pastoral course in terms of jobs and finance. Thoughts such as: what sort of work will you do after undertaking this course? Where will it lead you? What is your future like? Will you become a Pastor after that? Will you work for the church? Will the church want you to work with them?
All these questions bombarded my mind. And honestly I felt afraid. Because I've had past experiences of graduating and not pursuing a career in my studied field. What if this time it is the same?
As these thoughts raced through my mind, my heart knew otherwise. My heart and Spirit knew the greater call that God has instilled in me and that God was enought to see me through to the end of the fulfillment of that call. And in the midst of this God just reminded me: have I not provided for you in the past? Have I ever let you down? Have my promises ever failed you before? Trust in me and trust in my provision for you. You may not understand the complete picture of your future right now but I have spoken to you directly that I have a purpose for you. A purpose that is great, a purpose that will see you through the fulfillment of My call in your life.
With that I settled in my mind that I am not going to live by the lies of the devil. I am going to believe in my God and in His promises to me. It will be a tough and challenging road ahead but that too means it'll be an exciting road ahead because I have no other expectation other than to expect my hope and trust in the Lord will bring provision and the fulfillment of His promises to me.
So I encourage you today in the midst of your insecurity, doubt and questioning to fully rely on Him because He has never failed us. Trust in His unfailing record/reputation of fulfilled promises!
Is beginning to understand...
... why she writes, writes and writes during her Pastor's sermons.
Last week my ministry leader asked me to help her compile the Kidz Church curriculum. The assigned lesson theme is Eagle as this is what our Senior Pastor is teaching in our regular church service. I was happy to help in any way I could. But in saying so I had my reservations about my ability to compile a curriculum. I don't have any knowledge or understanding as to how to construct a curriculum. And I did make this known to my leader but she somehow trusted me with this. She said that all I had to do was read through our Pastor's teaching materials and summarise what we can teach to the children about Eagles.
Of course it sounds simple but again I let my mind get in the way and started to doubt myself. I have an obvious problem when it comes to doing things I THINK I can't do but other people trust that I can!
So anyways, I was reading through my Pastor's notes and the Holy Spirit just put this in my heart: I have prepared you for this Steph. All this time you sit and take notes during your Pastor's weekly sermons. This is it. You sit, consume, and write for the kids. You are an 'instrument' in 'digesting' the Word and relaying it out for the kids.
When the Holy Spirit told me this I began to understand why I am so eager to write when my Pastor preaches. And when I write I seem to be "out of control" in the sense I know that I cannot simply write what I have written if it had not been through the leading of the Holy Spirit.
And the Holy Spirit just reminded me of Pastor Joel Osteen's testimony of how he used to just edit video recordings of his father's Sunday preachings week on and week out, consuming his father's preaching not ever realising or even consider that one day he could be a preacher himself. Pastor Joel Osteen shared about how God will prepare His children for the greater call through anything and everything.
And so with that I now know why I do what I do and why I do it! I'm very excited!!!
It has been a month!
It has been a month since I last posted and several things have happened since. Just an update:
1. I applied and got into Hillsong Leadership College, Pastoral Leadership. I'll be enroling and going to Orientation next week! It's very exciting! I'm hoping to learn more about the ministry, about God and myself and having fun and making new networks, friends.
2. I've been very pre-occupied with work. I've been lots and lots of hours just to save up for when I start College and may not have work. So because of work I've been very tired. I'm feeling like I need a change so College is starting at a right time for me.
3. I haven't been working on my children's book as much as I've hoped. I'm wanting to get back at it this week as work is slowing down.
4. I've been working alot because I want to save up for a couple of trips this year: my cousin's wedding in Bali at the end of the year and also a surprise for my mum who is turning 50! My dad and I have been thinking of taking her interstate but this depends on what my college timetable.
5. As always I started the new year at church, in my Father's house and in prayer. This is my prayer for 2011:
I bartered with God. I bartered my old self for the person God wants me to be and who He designed me to be. I lay myself down at His feet. I exchange all my desires for His desires. I exchange all my dreams for His dreams. I exchange my goals for His goals. I exchange my will for His will. I exchange my heart for His heart. My only want for 2011 is His will and His heart. May this new year produce quality eagles that soar above and beyond in pursuit of God's destiny and Revayah!! I am 'baby eagles in waiting!' As 2011's theme at church is "Soaring with Wings like an Eagle" I took this on board personally where my desire is to become an eagle that soar above and beyond this year.
6. I'm currently fasting with my local church until the 30th January. We're fasting for a spiritual breakthrough for 2011. And like previous years when I'm fasting God impresses more of His Spirit and vision in my heart. So this year His vision was:
On 12th January 2011, my 3rd day of fasting and I was on my way to work in Paddington and on the bus God impressed in me and gave me this 'vision' of me walking towards something like a light, I don't know what it is exactly but it's like God is telling me in 2011 I will walk with a "blindfold" which the Holy Spirit is tying which means for total faith and obedience in God because I cannot see. And the Holy Spirit is on my right, left, front and behind me as I walk ahead into 'something of 2011'. And it's not darkness ahead of me but light, bright but nothing else. And God impressed in me that God's voice will lead my every step and that He is in front, He is already at the 'destination point' waiting for me to get there. I must learn to walk in faith, obedience and surrenderance. I may not know everything of God's plan but I know He is there waiting for me and that is enough for me to walk ahead. I'm not walking into 'death' but into 'life' in 2011.
7. On the 14th January 2011, we had a cousins KM (cell group) at Vilia's house. During the meeting I felt that God was saying this is the generation, the 3rd generation that will fulfill His big destiny and call. And it is because of the prayers of our previous generations: our grandfather (Ngong Djojo), grandmother (Emak Martha), mum and dad who have prayed, and taught us with the fear of the Lord. We are now the generation who will do great things according to His will and reap the great rewards according to their prayers and what we've done. I felt the Spirit say: our grandparents, parents have sown te seeds but now it is our generation who will reap it's produce! Amen!! All glory to God!!
So far that has been my start to 2011!! I'm waiting in anticipation for greater thiings to happen to bring glory to my God! Happy New Year guys! =)
