I'm broken... Be my handyman?!
Now before anyone gets into a fit about handymans etc. I just want to clear it up. In this context I'm referring to God.
As some of you may know I've started fasting this week. Fasting for my ministries and what not. I've asked for a clearer vision, a discening spirit that identifies what God wants from me, for revayah to blanket me through the year 2009.
And as God works in
perfect timing, Colour Conference 2009 started this week. When I look back at the dates of me fasting and having this conference, I knew that God was definitely
planting something great ahead.
So I started my (first) Colour Conference journey 2 days ago with an
open heart, open mind, an expectant spirit and faith that by the end of the conference I knew what exactly He wanted for my ministries, my path, my future.
Here I am writing in this blog after enduring the most
riveting, exciting, fulfilling, mindblowing, transforming, unleashing expereinces of my (nearly) 21 years of existence on this earth. (I'm not trying to be dramatic but I just want to give you the big picture here.)
What I've
learnt, received and most importantly what has be
revealed to me and is now and will be forver imprinted in my heart and written in the next chapters of my life are:- His plans are not my plans; His thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55: 8-9)
- His promises to me will not come back empty handed (Isaiah 55:11)
- A clearer vision for what must be done in my life to come into alignment with His glorious plan (Psalm 90:12)
-
The whisper made clearer -> from a whisper to a shout => your path will be clearer => stirring, confirming the calling (Proverbs 4:18)
- this is the season of joy,
expectancy - God wants to
enlarge the "could be"- When we conceive and give birth to God's plan, we are not alone. We need to have the focus like a
lioness.- A lioness has the ability to roar=universal declaration (Matthew 10:27)
- Bring the
whisper to a shout- The importance of decisions ->
is fear stronger than faith or faith stronger than fear?-> Don't look to man for help for God is waiting
-
There's trouble ahead when you think (satisfied) you've "finished"
- Justcie should be part of our DNA. To be the hands, feet, ears, eyes and voice for those out there who are restricted, in captive. => from a whisper to a shout! -> my destiny and Indonesia - God can turn the unfortunate into the fortunate
-
Hero: an ordinary person stepping to an extraordinary situation- Moses (his stick) laid it down (what was most important to him) and God transformed it into something great ->
God asks for what is in YOUR hand and lay it down => my writing- Never despise the nothing in your hand
-
be the solution to the problem
- take your place/position in fulfilling the calling- looking back = a collage of the things you have survived that strengthens you and your path for the future
- season: knowing the season you are in right now
-
crisis = risk & opportunity- we can't change the season but we can be hopeful for the turn around
-
God is bigger than history!- Words can be deceptive but the message brings revelation
- Don't close the chapter; He is still writing in your life; no matter what your situation - don't end your chapter just yet
-
Don't let inadequacies stop you- In times of crisis, He has a plan
Through this conference I know that no matter how broken we are, He is the ONLY handyman that can repair us whole again for He is the Creator of life.
I think I can pull my head out of the sand now...
Towards the end of last week, as I was talking with my mum, I've decided to start fasting. I need to fast about my ministries. I've figured that I've been under alot of pressure from uni work that indirectly affects my "performance" in my ministries.
Currently, I'm involved in 2 ministries: Sunday School and BIG (campus ministry). After having our regualr Sunday School meetings, the leaders have decided to restucture Kidz Church, which will mean major changes in the way we conduct our classes. This will also mean that there is going to be more work for each teacher. And I knew that my place in Sunday School will never change in that there is no way I would let that ministry go.
Now my "dilemma" is whether I can cope with the ministries that I have now and on top of that writing a book for my Pastor. I know that the book is also something I'm not willing to let go because I know that it's part of my "calling" in that writing is where I'm supposed to be (if that makes any sense).
But BIG is something I'm also not willing to let go because I've grown alot within this misintry and have built a community where I'm comfortable in.
But looking back as to how I got into BIG was not based on prayer or calling but rather because there was a need of help there so I "lent the hand" but somehow have gotten so involved in it that I can't seem to figure how I got there. And this raises the question of where my place is.
A friend had once advised me that it's better to be in your "calling" rather than being a place where you're not supposed to be. You shouldn't hold onto something just because you don't want to let go because you could be needed more much somewhere else but you're too busy being in a place where you're not "needed."
This opened up my perspective. And so now I'm at the stage where I think I know what the right decision is but rather than making a rash decision, I'm going to let God decide what I should do. It is for this reason I'm partaking in this fasting. And for how long I will be fasting I guess will depend on when I found out my answer.
Can I get a break please?
So over the past few days I thought I had calmed down. I had started to set my priorities. My mind was clear. I was focused. I knew that I shouldn't think far as to what I will be doing after uni. I knew that I had to surrender. And I was peaceful and content.
I was getting ready for uni this morning. I was in the shower singing and rejoicing for the peace in my heart until the phone rang. It was my sister. She had an accident at school and was sent to hospital.
I immediately asked God, 'why, can't I just have one day of rest?'
He didn't reply.
I went to the hospital to meet my sister. And after a few hours there, it was concluded that my sister just had a sprained ankle.
I still asked, 'why did this have to happen?'
I realised that God was teaching me that my life will have these kind of experiences just to keep me be "grounded", humble and thankful.
So when you guys constantly experience things that are beyond your control, expectation or plan just be thankful for you will grow to be stronger at the end.
I just want to stick my head in the sand...
After only 3 months into the year 'Revayah' and I already want to stick my head in the sand! Meaning there are so many pressures, instability and uncertainities around me that just urges me to go and bury my head in the sand and wait until it all fades away...
I'm becoming more and more sensitive to the things that are happening around me. It has become more clear since I got back from Jakarta. I've always been known in the family to be the one who is emotional, who cries at every little thing and always defends even the wrong people only because I feel for their situation. I've always thought that it was just because of my nature, a naturally "cry baby" person.
But when I was in Indonesia, God had taught me to "toughen" myself up, taught me the positives and negatives of being an emotional person and most importantly He told me why He made me an emotional person (extremely and abnormally emotional). It's all for me to synmpathize and empathize with people who truly need the attention but my struggle is to know when to stop empathising with a person because it's no longer my place to continue to do so.
I'm a person who grows very attached to people and therefore makes it even harder for me to let go. I know it's my battle that I need to win but because it ties in with my emotions I get very tired and at times I just want to stick my head in the sand wait until it all fades away by itself.
I know that's just another way of me saying that I want to quit the "process" part and jump straight into the result part. That of course will not happen. I need to go through the emotional back flips so then it will help me to know how to use my sensitivity for the goodness of other people and myself. I may not understand how it will come to be but I need to have the perserverance and strong will to keep at it.
My sitiation is pretty strange. I tend to take in other peoples' feelings and lay it on top of my own. And I began to see this clearly when I was in Indonesia, after a Pastor had prayed for me and passed on His messages for me. I knew that I had to go through this emotional rollercoaster because He has plannd something for me that requires my emotional strength.
I guess I'm just trying to say, don't bury your head in the sand just because things are getting tough. Rather stick your head up high and force yourself to look beyond your temporary obstacles and choose to see God's plan coming to fulfillment in your life!
You don't need to force yourself to be noticed...People will notice you...
Before I had left to go to Indonesia, a lady at church had approached me. She asked about my writing. I was surprised to know that this lady knew about me and my writing. We talked and she was letting me know that her husband was looking for a web content writer. I was interested, just as something I could add in my resume.
But what was strikingly interesting was that I didn't even have to push a finger to find this work. It found me. What I learnt here is that you don't need to force things to happen in your life. It will happen by itself, by God's plan. And if it doesn't, then it's not your path. God has other greater things set for your life.
So when you feel like things aren't working out the way you planned it, just go for the ride. You were meant to be on that rollercoaster. You can't determine the speed or velocity of the ride but you can strap on tight and trust that where ever your destination is, it's all within His plan.
To embrace it.
I got the opportunity to experience a life not too distant from mine. My uncle, a Pastor in Indonesia, thought that it was important for me to see not just up but sometimes to look below. I knew he meant socially.
I also knew that he was teaching me something valuable. And something I wouldn't find here in Australia.
So it was Friday 13th February, 2009 and I was dropped off at the church's office. I met my uncle and his assistant there. He had some work to finish so I waited. While I was waiting, there were some people there preparing for the Valentines church service the next day. These people live at the church's office/housing because they are too poor to call anywhere else a home. These people are mostly youths who have no work, no home and basically no future. My uncle takes them in and teaches them and finds them work.
The latest guy who came in was this young boy who had no identity. He had no clothes, except those on his body, he had no family, no nothing. He didn't even know how old he was. It was quite disturbing for me to hear such a story. Yet I was moved by his situation. His parents have died and he has lost contact with his uncle and aunt. His name is even unclear. The street people would call him Agai but since he lived with the church they have changed him to Haggai.
I noticed him. I watched him. I felt deeply for the boy. It was strange. And as I watched him I found out that he was left-handed. And immediately I knew there was something in this boy. I know that left-handed people comprise of a certain percentage of the world's population and they are known to be creative people who have an extra "talent." I told my uncle right away to keep a close eye on him. This boy needs to be taught and directed and developed so he can reach his potential and destiny.
So we were set to leave at 11am. My uncle had warned me that the places we were going might not be not be too "comfortable" for me. But I knew that I wanted to experience it. I knew that I wanted to hear, see, feel, smell, and taste it.
As we drove I knew that I had to prepare myself not to take this experience as something that was forced but rather to embrace it and it holds a humbling value. And this was immediately supported as I got out of the car. Apparently these people lived by the "dumpster." It smelt horrible. It looked horrible. But I wasn't disgusted. I embraced the surrounding as someone's home. Someone's life. And if they could do it I knew that I could too.
The first family we meet were a husband and wife who lived in a little tin house. Along the front was the sewerage where the rubbish aroma dispersed to every cornerstone of the house. It was sweltering hot. But I embraced it. I got to see how they lived, their struggle to keep rain out of their house and how the cost of my starbucks coffee could buy lunch and dinner for their family. It really opened my eyes. The desperate and dire situation/conditions they live in yet they can still come to church and sing on top of their lungs about how great God is. This made me realise how I would complain about my life yet it was no way compared to them.
The next house I went to was a little different. This lady had 3 kids and a husband. Her husband is a bus driver. She folds paper that is used to packet fried foods. On good days she gets paid $3 and to her that is good enough. This family really hit my heart. The youngest son, around 6 months old would frequently get sick. It turns out that there was a disturbing spirit within the house. I felt strangely for this family. They lived in a dormitory style housing yet it crammed 5 people. There was nothing sanitary about it.
I knew that it was definitely a life I'm not sure I would be able to cope with. But on the other hand I knew that it was a humbling experience. It taught be to be appreciative of what I have now and not to complain about what I don't have, which at times are not even necessary.
I look back now and see that when I spend my money I know what it's worth to somebody else like these people. And this teaches me to spend wisely.
I know that I might not be able to give to them but I do know that it is my life's call to come back to them and pass on something of value to them. And when that time comes I know that I will embrace it just as I did the first time around.
A drive through the park...
The drive to Taman Safari Indonesia.
During my time in Indo, I didn't let time waste through fear and sadness. I took every opportunity I had to make something of each day.
I started by going to Taman Safari Indonesia.
It was amazing...
We got to feed the animals as they approached to the side of the car. I've never really gotten close with animals. But this time was different. I had a new outlook on the things I had experienced each day. So I always took everything as a gift.
Here are some pictures:
Bird.
Camels.
Deer.
Elephants.
The river.
The rollercoaster ride that never ends?
Okey so the story was that I went overseas to get some work experience. Before I had left everything seemed like it was "working out." But it turned out that God had other plans for me and He had tried to tell me this even before I checked in at the Sydney airport.
He used the vision, in my previous post (calm before the storm) to tell me of what was ahead of me. When He gave me the understanding of what was going on I immediately felt: how foolish was I? All this time I was walking the wrong path and trying to fix it. But I couldn't fix it because He wanted to teach me patience, perserverance, faith and the discerning spirit.
You know you walk down a path and you know it's danger but He let's you walk it because He wants to show you something? Well that was me in Indo. I didn't get to do what I wanted because He wanted me to do what He wanted. And what was it?
It was to live outside my comfort zone, to find out the destiny He has planned for me and to start working towards it, to sharpen my faith, to sharpen my sensitivity to the things that are around me, and to have material for my writing.
One thing I am most appreciative of during my time in Indo was when I got to go and see villages in Indo. I took photos, which I will upload soon. There, I was opened to see life outside my square. I know now that when I whine about how bad my situation is I need to remember of these people who seem to live through everything.
It is my goal that when I go back to Indo I want to make a documentary.
This was definitely a rollercoaster ride for me but when I knew what He wanted I knew that I was on the right track.
My advice is: when He is taking you on a rollercoaster ride or when He is taking you to what seems "the dark" road, be sure to be faithful and strong in Him for whatever happens God's word is that He works for the greater good of those He loves.
So stick it out guys! =)
How would you feel after a rollercoaster ride?
Hello my beloved faithful readers. =)
My apologies in advance for no notice that I would be leaving overseas for some time.
Second, my apologies for not being able to keep my blog updated during my time overseas. As many of you know I went to Indonesia and the internet over there is very limited. The downloading takes forever and so I just thought I'd make it up to you guys now...
So I've been back in Sydney for the past week. I've jumped straight into uni. (Not a very good idea to do-just a note for next time!) I'm taking life ALOT less seriously now. I think, well I hope, I've matured over my recent experiences. I've realised that it's not the theory that will allow you to develop but it is the life experience that I've realised is priceless. No university degree, title, status etc. will give you this or satisfy you.
So my suggestion to you guys is whenever you're experiencing difficult times, don't be too keen to give up.
When you "think" you see a dark road ahead of you, don't turn around and take another path.
When you meet someone you don't like, don't be too easy to judge to them. They might just be there in your life, at the right time just to help you fill in the shoes you were destined to fill or to help you fulfill your destiny in some weird/strange way.
Don't be too quick to give up! Place a reminder in your mind when in such situations, that things happen for a purpose. You may not understand it now but be sure that everything works out for the best! And trust me 5-10 years down the track you'll understand completely why you had experienced the things you had.
I'm saying this as well for my own good and from past experiences.
(I think this post is getting too long for me to continue on with my experiences from Indo, so I'll continue with a new post.)
