Update, update, update...!!!
Geez, so it has been a while since I last posted! The last time I posted was when I was just about to head off to Indonesia for 5 weeks.
So life has changed since then. Dreams have been expanded. The horizon seems to be more brighter. Lives have touched. Children have education. Stories have been shared. But most of all His name and Kingdom has been and will continue to be glorified!
I'll try to keep a journal for this entry. This journal will be quite long (see I've warned you! Hehehe... But please do not be afraid for great blessing is ahead! Hehehe) so I'll categorise it by date of event to keep it simple.
I do hope that you will be patient in reading this and be blessed along the way. Bear in mind that all glory to God! =)
The night before I was about to leave for Indonesia I prayed in faith and hope and trust that God is with me on this journey. A journey that will cut my flesh but bring life to His Word. It is not about me but about Him. Even if it hurts me I say do it Lord! Only for Your glory!
[As we were on the plane we saw a rainbow in the sky, which I knew and only confirmed that God's promises is going to be fulfilled!]
*Thursday 08/07/10:Just arrived in Bali, Indonesia. First lesson was: my home is where my God is. I have to get over my 'discomfort' and do His will. My discomfort include: pollution, extreme heat, traffic jams, mosquitoes, Indonesian food and loss of weight. Every time I go to Indonesia I will lose about 4-5kgs. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
I've had to learn that it is not my belongings, my possession or even my "home" (in Syd) is "home" or that these things bring me "comfort" and "security". But it is where ever God is and where ever He wants me to be is where my home is. So Steph, get over your discomfort and make home where ever God wants it to be!
*Sunday 11/07/10As I'm going about my thing with family and going out the Holy Spirit just suddenly instills these statements in my heart:
-As the fight gets harder/tougher He is strengthening me.
-When the odds are stacked against you He elevate your walk.
-When your walk seems narrow He leads you to the wider path.
-Where there is trouble and discomfort He is there with aid in His right hand.It was like as if the Holy Spirit was strengthening and also warning me at the same time that my days ahead will be tough but God's provision will never cease in my life.
I also learnt a new meaning to 'Family'. We share our sorrows and blessings together. We all do everything together. If one is in then all is in. If one is out then all is out. At this time one of my dearest uncles is going through a difficult time in his life. God was processing him but it impacted the whole family. When ever he was down the whole family could feel his sorrows. And this is what I learnt: that in the good and the bad family go through it together.
Djojosaputro Family at The Rock Bar, Ayana Hotel.
Another lesson was I know that because I serve such a generous and loving God I will
always be surrounded and be blessed by such generous and loving family
and friends. And today for some reason or other, perhaps it was because the whole big family was there together for the first time in a long while that I really felt that I am who I am because of my God, my family and my friends. Each family member and friend has touched and instilled part of themselves in me and even more so with God who has been and will continue to be the sole foundation of my life!
*Monday 12/07/10:I'm all loved up! Weddings are really making me want to love each
and everyone I meet. Love is natural and learned. Because He loves me first I
love others no matter the situation, context because He loved me first
even when I was in the worst state/context. Love is understanding
others' situations. When others are in difficult times and we are in
good times it is our duty to share our love and blessings to them so
that they too may be elevated in love and blessings.
What is life anyway when everyone is suffering? I feel it is our responsibility and duty to be responsive to our surroundings. To be ignorant is not only
selfish but unhealthy for us. When we are blessed we are responsible
to bless others not because of religion sake but for our own well being. Human kind will never have enough but whatever little we have should be shared in order to benefit others and us. We are blessed to be blessings for others!
I reflected abit today. I don't miss or think about Sydney as much as I used too in previous trips. I believe this is because I know that I am closer with my God
and I am confident that He is sufficient for me. I am learning to
oversee the discomfort, weaknesses etc of Indonesia and I choose to see
the good and positives. I choose to see and work on what God wants me
to do!
Walking in God's grace to do and fulfill His will is enough for me to overlook my temporary discomfort. I was chatting with my uncle who has been in education for 15 years. We were talking about children and education and Indonesia (my passions) and he says that we can only
do what we can for kids despite the influences from situations (limited economics). We can only hope that through education we can help them overcome their situations. This was quite inspiring for me especially when I look ahead and see children in Indonesia whose parents cannot afford education and how their situations at times influences their childrens' character. But I choose to believe that I will do what I can to be a blessing for them even if their situation will influence more I know God's grace is over them. For I believe that it is not humans than can change humans but God Himself can change them through His Christ-like disciples who are willing to do it. And that is my most learnt lesson from this who trip: to be Christ-like in everything I do and bring glory only to Him.
*Wednesday 14/07/10:I went to have a massage today. During the session the lady was sharing about her life. How she has left her 2 young children back in her village with her mother because she in search of a job in the big city. She shared about how it has been difficult of her being away from children. From her story I learnt that there are many people in Indonesia who do to other people what they cannot do for their own
family. What I mean is that there are many people who become nannies to other peoples' children but because of circumstance they have to become parents to other peoples' children for money.
*Sunday 18/07/10:Today the Holy Spirit instilled another statement in my heart:
-Who am I that even my God is jealous for my attention and love?
*Wednesday 21/07/10:I remember when I felt pain before I left for Indonesia, where my flesh
was going to hurt. This translated to = here in Indonesia I don't have any plans, I just have to go with the flow... I have to let go of my "perfectionist" side... And let go of my control. Where ever God wants to lead and take me then that's where I have to be. I am not in control of my plans but God is in control of His plans that is at work in my life.
This journey compared to past is different. In the past I would feel
like I want to go back to Sydney. My heart would miss Sydney. But this
time it is not. My heart is content and peaceful here. This is because I
know that God is giving me peace and joy and also partly because I
know my calling and job here is not finished yet.
So again, my home is where ever God wants me to be even in my discomfort I am made comfortable because of God!*Sunday 25/07/10:Youth of Taman Royal GBI Victory sang a song. It touched my heart and
spirit. Their sincerity and purity was intensely felt. Made me cry.
These people sang from heart and experience of how God is still good
to them even though they may have uncertain circumstances. I want a relationship with God like that. Where whatever my situation is like I still want to stand tall and sing my heart out to the love of my life!
*Sunday 25/07/10:At GBI Victory Kebon Jeruk the Holy Spirit instilled these statements in my heart:
-Your faith will determine the result of your desires/dreams/goals.
-Faith is the vehicle that will bring us to the fulfillment of God's
destiny for us!*Saturday 24/07/10 - Monday 26/07/10:Saturday night was the first night sleeping over at Ku Datno's (my uncle who is helping managing the school) house. That was the
night my uncle who was going through some process in his life, slept over too. He was in terrible condition. We prayed but he left the room. Turns out that night was the peak of process. He was battling with himself. He didn't sleep well.
Through these past few days walking into the lives of Ku Datno and Kim
Dewi and into their ministry I've learnt how tough and hard it is to
be in the Pastorial ministry. It's not about preaching on Sunday but
the activities, the lives on weekdays they have to organise.
I've learnt that you really have to love people. You have to love
these people as Jesus loves us or else we can backslide.
The battle for my uncle with this process just shows / an example of the mind, heart and spirit at heads. It's experience first hand of how when the human
flesh desires one thing while the spirit and hearts knows better. But
surely God's grace and mercy is over his life forever more..
It's a lesson that once we have given into the flesh but then repent the flesh will continue to ask for more of the "unGodly" until we completely let go of it.
I went to the kindagarten for a little while today. Took some photos.
Met the teachers. They kids had left already. I heart really felt
strong towards this village and the kids there more so than the school
in Tangerang. I know deep down in my heart that these kids are much
loved by God!
Me with 3 teachers from the Kindagarten and my aunty Kim Dewi.
The Principal with her class.
One of the classrooms.
One of the kids doing colouring.
*Thurs 29/07/10:Ku Datno offered me to go to Malaysia for a few days but I declined.
Wanted to stay here in Jakarta. Remember what I have to do here-the
school.
*Fri 30/07/10:The Holy Spirit instilled this question for me to ask God:
what is the life You want me to live? If we can get an answer to that question, it will change everything. Another lesson I learnt about my uncle who is going through this process is that our spirit can be strong but because of our too often weak flesh that draws us into sin.
As I go to malls and "shopping" and accompanying my cousins, I don't feel attracted to
shop and spend. I feel like the less I spend the more I can give to the kids and the school who need it more than I need to buy a bag etc. I've learnt that I need to live life without things I don't necessarily need. Possessions can only give me temporary satisfaction but knowing that my money can go along way for somebody else is more rewarding to me than anything else.
*Tues 3/08/10:Went to TK Taman Royal. There was a black out during the whole time.
I was mostly in the playgroup. The kids were fun! Took pictures. Then went
for my first driving lesson. It went fine. Just need to practice more.
*Wed 4/08/10:I'm confused. To stay longer in Indonesia or to go back home. My sister needs me to come home. I feel like I have to be there for her even though there may not be a lot for me to do there for her. I don't know if it's my feeling or my spirit that makes me want to stay in Indonesia longer. But to stay longer and to do what I don't know. Right now I'm at loss. I wish I could just turn the clock off and sit and just
think about what I should really do. I'm really at loss. I need direction. I need help. I need an answer. I guess also why I'm at this stage in thinking is because of my mum saying that I should stay longer if I wanted too. And also telling me that if I feel I should stay I could stay. But my problem is work and what to do here in Indonesia. Also I'm afraid and unsure of what kind of work I should do when I get
back to Sydney. How do I combine God's vision and plan for me in Indonesia and
still be Syd? That's the confusing part. Plus putting my feelings into it makes it even worse. I just want to go to Perth and hang out with Ko
Andre...
*Thurs 5/08/10:I went to TK Kemangissan today. Kids are more 'active' and more physical than
in Taman Royal. Not just boys but girls also get involved in fights.
Not entirely their fault but their parents and situations that condone
this behaviour. Kak Nur (the Principal) explained how some of the childrens' parents
are "gangsters" and tukang parkir (carpark men). And without this school the kids would be pengamens (begging) on the streets. The parents are so thankful that this school exists. Otherwise their kids have nothing to look forward too.
As I was walking and recording with my video camera through the streets I met two of the kids. One of them introduced me to his grandfather as his teacher. I
was so touched! I felt that I had contributed something into his life.
I was really touched! And I pray that he may see more in me than just a teacher but also a humble servant of God and maybe one day he too can follow suit.
I was quite shocked to see their living situations. To see that these kids are from here. I just wanted to see what it was like and hopefully one day God does more for these people, which I'm very sure He will do.
And through this whole project I am only humbled that He would use someone like me to bless these people. May His name and Kingdom be glorified through everything I do!
I also made the decision to extend one week. Don't know exactly what
made me do it. Just felt that I needed to do it.
*Fri 06/08/10:I went to the TK (kindagarten) again. Took more photos. Recorded interviews with the mothers. They talked about their lives. Hardships. I felt for them and their kids. Then
Rakhael's (a student) mum gave me a thank you card. She cried as she gave it to me. And I cried too because she said that only this was what they could give me. They
were going to pull 2000rp each to buy me a souvenir to show their thanks. But what they had given me was enough. Enough for me to be touched and cry. It's not the gift but the thought itself that counts. I was touched to see how much of an impact my offering had become. It just goes to show that whatever we have in our hands little or big when it is in His hands it will go a long way!
After talking to the parents we prayed with the teachers and Rakhel's
mum (as the teachers always do after class). We worshipped and I was really filled with His Spirit. I felt He loved these kids very much. I was in awe of His greatness. How much He wanted to use me to be a blessing to these kids. I was so privileged to be used by God to help these kids. I knew that this was truly a Spirit-led project!
Then I went to Tante Endah's (a servant at my uncle's church) house where we chatted. I shared with her all my stories about how God moved me to invest in this school. From
not going to Malaysia and Thailand to building this school. And I shared with her about mup y history, about how my parents moved to Australia and all our struggles from waking early and going to my neighbour's house, to not being able to read and write because my parents couldn't teach me etc. Tante Endah and Rakhel's mum
cried and were touched. I shared about how struggle is still struggle in any location. The difference is our response to these struggles. If we face them in faith with God then nothing is really impossible.
What I learnt most about this was how much my life is full of God's grace. This opportunity to share allowed me to look to my rear view mirror (illustration inspired by driving lessons) and appreciate and be thankful for what God has made in my life. All my past experiences from my childhood to high school to now all showed how much my life story is worth something when I walk with God to help and inspire others. I learnt that God is good in all situations because He has a purpose for my life.
What really touched me about sharing my life story was how much I struggled in school, which is probably why I felt so connected and related to these kids of Kampung Sawa. Their struggle maybe different to mine because of location and experience but struggle is struggle that binds me to these kids.
Our God is amazing! Even when I'm taking driving lessons my life story is becoming an inspiration for others. Today my driving instructor was inspired by my life story. I look back and ponder what's happened in my 22 years of life and I find nothing because God has made everything wonderful according to Him and that is enough for me. I am truly walking out God's Word of sharing the gospel to the ends of the earth (well starting off with Indonesia).
*Wed 11/08/10:Flew to Malaysia. Here everything is so clean and tidy. No people living on streets. Rested a bit at Pst. Ezekiel's house. Learnt to live very simple. No air con just fan. Bunk bed. Very small. But I experienced it all to learn. All the roads are highways. All have street signs. Reminds me of Australia. Quite like it here. Especially when we got to Tante Eeng's house. Beautiful apartment. Great view. Feels like I'm in Australia in an expensive apartment. But despite all the beauty and lights of Malaysia my heart is still in Indonesia.
*Thurs 12/08/10:
Got to sleep in. Room was great! Before breakfast Ku Datno, Kim Dewi and Tante E'eng were talking. She shared about her family life. Then Ku Datno shared about Mak Marta's (my grandmother) life story. I got in touch with my familial relations. Ku Datno and Kim Dewi were sharing about our
family struggles. This morning was full of stories and history and lessons. Throughout all God's provision over our family is never ending.
Today we're off sightseeing. First stop tallest Hindu statue. Quite scary. Spirit feel different. Be careful. Kim Dewi says not to take photos with the statues.
As we're driving you can see that Malaysia is very 'natural' in that
there are plenty of trees and greenery. Good for oxygen. Shows that
not every little piece of space they build to make malls etc. Perhaps
it's because their population is not as much as Indonesia. Many of the
buildings and skyscrappers are tidy and clean and looks more 'livable'
than in Indonesian apartments.
*Fri 13/08/10:Going to Genting. God's favour on us we are being driven in an Alphard
car. Such a blessing! Car is spacious, has drinks, lollies, air con.
Basically everything I've never thought of! God is great! He surely
makes sure His servants are well taken care of.
I've learnt to live life in 'low' points like at TK and at family's
house but I also get to learn to live 'high' like in apartments,
basically live a more than good lifestyle. And in all this I've learnt
that in any situation God is constant in my life. My situation or
location or place can change but I know that on all this God will
never change. He is in my 'low' times and He is in my 'high' times and
all I can do is be thankful to Him and keep doing what He has called
me to do!
Once we got to Genting Hotel, we were greeted well. The hotel is
great. Rooms are beyond what I expected. So luxurious! Feel norak
taking photos in bathrooms. So amazed at God's favour and blessing and
grace. We got to stay in such a grand hotel for free. One night here
costs about $400-$500. Really I've learnt that God really takes care
of His servants who are obedient to Him! I thank God for all this!
Love you Lord!
*Saturday 14/08/10:Had breakfast in the buffet. Took some photos of Genting. I've really
appreciated my time here. Been blessed!
During breakfast, lunch and dinner we've chatted with Pastors. Learnt
many things and lessons about the Christian faith/walk. It's allowed
my perspectives to be matured.
*Tuesday 17/08/10:Indonesian Independence Day. Now at church wanting to celebrate it.
Before that had gone to see Opoh. Talked, made me cry as we talked about my future.
I am only as good as God wants to use me. When I no longer am good and
walk out of God's grace and righteousness then I am no longer good
enough to be used by God and be a blessing. That is why I continue to
walk in His righteousness so I can continue to be a blessing for Him! Sitting in the service we watched a video about Indonesia. Photos of Indonesia are shown while an Indonesian song is playing. Made me shiver and tear up for some reason. Seeing the flag and nationalism touched me. I really felt for this country. Like there is a bond or tie to this country. I don't know if I could feel like this for Australia.
Let us become a new generation for our nation. I've realised that my pride of Australia needs to be readjusted. I cannot be too proud of just Australia because Indonesia is too my country and despite it's 'bad' things I need to realise and work towards to contributing to Indonesia! How weird is that?
*Thursday 19/09/10:Full of stress because of baggage. Didn't cry when saying goodbye which was strange. But when at airport when baggage was over I cried to Ku Datno and Kim Dewi. Didn't know how much sensitive I am to things such as this. I ended up talking about how I haven't done much compared to Ii Iyan and her history of hardwork that is written on the scars and roughness of her hands. I don't have that much scars so I haven't done much. Made me sad and sort of insufficient.. This was such a strange time for me. It was like as if what I have done (invested in school) is nothing yet compared to greater things that are to come.
*Fri 20/09/10: Arrived safely in Sydney.
*Thurs 26/08/10:Was on my way home from work. Feeling tired as usual. Beginning to complain but then was consoled by the Holy Spirit who said that I should be thankful to even have a job and work. Many people in Indonesia don't have this 'luxury' and would do anything for it. So Steph don't complain but rather work hard and make the most of every opportunity!
*Fri 03/09/10:Watching Oprah and her dream team, one lady by the name of Suzie Orman said
"define the things around you. Don't let the things around you define you!"*Sat 04/09/10:Went to shopping mall Bondi Junction. Looked at so many shops and felt an urge to buy but knew that my money could be used for better things especially since I had thrown out alot of things last week because I never used them anymore. This caused such headache for me. Because I'm so used to buying things even if they were something small. Grr.. But this is all process for me! To be smart in how I spend my money.. But I'm at a loss as to what I should save up for next.. Any suggestions?
Initial stages in God's vision for this school:
When I got God's vision for this school and responded to it by actually investing financially in it I didn't do it because of fame or anything like that. I simply did it because I knew WHO was asking this from me and it was my God, my Father. And kind of child would I be if I did not respond to Him by obeying? What right to I have anyway to say no to God? Is it not His grace that has allowed me to live a reasonably 'good life'? And so with this in my mind and heart I said yes to God.
It is all about God. Not me. I don't want the kids to remember 'Ibu Phanie' but I want them to see the Christ in me. I want them to see that you don't have to be a 'great shot' (org hebat/kaya) to do something like this to bless someone because I would like to set an example for these kids that with what 'little' you have in your hand you can bless someone else. And if they can understand this concept and live it through then there is a greater possibility for Indonesia to move forward. It is about enabling the people to be who they have been created to be (and in comes the Word of God) to be the salt and light of this world and alongside living in great abundance. And for me the 'Christian equation' doesn't add up if the Christians who have the finance and education don't lend their hands out to fellow Christians who don't have the finance and education (but have the faith like the rest of us) to bring forth God's word and fulfillment of His plan which is to bring salvation. But when I say the Christians who have the finance and education don't lend their hands out I don't mean just strictly materialistic. Because as Jesus himself was an example that we can be blessings not just through finance but also through love, care, attention etc.
So part of my vision is to build a bridge between those of have finance and education and connect them with those who have limited finance and education in order to together bring forth the good news of God and may His plans be fulfilled.
