More than just the money
So I've just started work at a shoe shop, along with the clothing store. I'm beginning to learn so many different things from both jobs. Working at both stores is teaching me humility:
- humility where I'm not just serving "affluent" people but also any type of customers
- I'm learning that if I was to just work at the clothing store I know that I would grow in pride. I'll start to become proud because I know that I can do the job and earn good money.
So working in this shoe shop and clohthing store is teachiing me to serve all types of people with a pure, humble heart.
You are my daughter
After Youth service on Sunday 8th November 2009 I finally spoke to my Pastor about what God encouraging me to talk to him. I told him everything about God's revelations when I'm writing notes down during his preachings. With this he just said "remember I already asked you to write for me." This was God reminding me that writing is what I'm supposed to do.
I also told my Pastor about my compassion that is often stirred up when I see my Pastor. And with this he just said that the Holy Spirit is bringing us together in Spirit to do the things we are called to do which is to spread the gospel to all nations. When he said that everything amde sense. I knew why the Holy Spirit was encouraging me to talk to my Pastor. It was to amke me understand and believe in the calling for the church.
He then prayed for me and from that day onwards, I am my Pastor's daughter and the Spirit my Pastor has, he has also passed unto me.
I've learnt that whatever "query" you have your Father will always ahve the answer.
Can't run away...
Sunday 8th November 2009 was the day I spoke to my Pastor about what God has been telling me.
Before then I went to the church service where there was an alter call. The alter call was for 2 groups of people, one of which was for people who feel they have been called into the ministry of the church and it's time to respond to that calling. Once the Pastor had said that my heart just jumped and it screamed "that's me!" And I immediately raised my hand for prayer. After that prayer I knew that God's call upon my life was strong. And I knew that that I needed to respond quickly.
So then my local church Pastor called all the people who had raised their hands to come to the front for further specific prayers. And without a 2nd thought I walked to the front. I didn't thikn about other people or what they might think of me. All I knew was that I was drawn to God more stronger than ever. And my heart knew that I needed sort things out with God in terms of my calling.
So when I was at the front and waiting to be prayed, I just let my spirit free to talk, to surrender and to let God speak and do to me as He wants.
As I stood there I remember being in tears and trembling. My legs were shaking and I thought I was about to fall because the feeling was so strong. Then my Pastor prayed for me. God just said: 'preach, teach and heal the sick' and as those words came out of my Pastor's mouth I felt sick. I felt like I was going to throw up because it was like as if someone had punched my stomach. The words/message brought truth and to some extent my spirit knew it and so it was "ready" but what made me sick was that my "flesh" had not fully "comprehended" the "seriousness" of God's call upon my life regarding preaching and teaching etc.
And lately I have realised that teaching is my calling and with what God had said this Sunday just confirmed it all for me.
Makan tuch omongan loe! (meaning me!)
So kan minggu lalu untuk SOM III exam aku share tentang being stretched by God utk membentuk character kita. And today was the day aku dapet first hand experience of it. Bener2 Tuhan selalu menguji apa yg kita omongin.
hari in kan tugas final dikumpulin. Class mulai jam 10am. And tugas groupku sebenernya udh kelar. Aku udh kerain tugas ini sejak minggu lalu, everyday aku masuk editing suite pagi dan pulang malam hanya utk tugas ini. Even ampe weekendpun aku kerjain diuni. Trus td mlm udh kelar tinggal diburn keCD. Tp udh mlm udh jam 11pm and bus aku terakhir jam 11pm so aku pulang and tmnkuy yg cewe. Kita decide bsk pagi diburn sebelom class. (Tmn2 groupku yg lain [2 cowo] udh pulang krn ada tugas yg lain).
Nah hr ini aku dtng pagi keuni utk burn cdnya and benerin soundya sedikit. Trus tiba2 tmn groupku bilank 'eh, gurunya mau kita keclass skrg' trus aku 'bilank kan ini blom diburn' trus dia bilank 'gpp kok gurunya bilank kita msh bisa kerja ntar.'
Yasudah, kita pergi trus gurunya tanya mana tugasnya and I said that masih perlu diburn. Trus tmnku ini langsung marah2!! Dia bilank kenapa blom diburn dsb. Dia marah2 ama aku. Trus aku jelasin that td msh dibenerin soundnya and aku udh ksh tau loe trus loe bilank ntar aja.
Akhirnya dia marah2 pake kata2 *********** and aku jd panas! Tp Roh Kudus cuman menghiburku dan menagatakan: jangan ngomong. Diem. Ntar jd berantem.
Akhirnya diburn and as usual ada error message tp tmnku ini ignore it. Akhirnya kita balik keclass and sure enough CD nggk jalan. Trus dia mangkin marah2! Dia ngomong ********* and marah ama aku. Dia bilank 'kan gw udh kerjain ini wkt sabtu mlm ampe pagi biar kita siap hr ini. Gw marah bgt deh!!!!'
Tetep aku diem. Aku hanya bisa minta hikmat and kekuatan dr Tuhan biar aku ngk ngebalas dendam ama dia!
And saking marahnya dia lempar itu CD wkt diclass and marah besarrrr...
Aku cuman bisa tanya ama Tuhan, 'apa yg terjadi Tuhan? Knapa jd begini?'
Tuhan cuman bilank 'persis apa yg km share diSOM III tentang stretching. Aku lg strecth km skrg. Aku lg ajar km kesabaran and juga humility.'
Aku belajar dr situasi ini that seringkali Tuhan lg ajar kita utk 'take the higher road.' Mungkin itu dlm bentuk mengalah. Bukan mengalah krn kebodohan tp mengalah bisa Tuhan bisa mengangkat kita. Seringkali kita dibikin mundur biar kita bisa maju. Sering kali kita bikin jatuh biar bisa bangun. Sering kali kita mengalami kesakitan bisar kita bisa sembuh. Dan dalam semua sisi 'negativenya' ini ada harga yg hrs dibayar. And for me it was to humble myslef and be patient in times of tests such as these. I'm not perfect. But He is making and continuously moulding me to be better. And all I can do is pray, believe and hope that the best will come out.
Aku percaya Tuhan lg 'potong' semua hal2 yg "jelek" dan "kotor" dr aku and replacing it with His character. And I also believe that hr2 ini Tuhan lg ajar aku that everything yg selama ini Tuhan "sembunyikan" bagiku Tuhan lg keluarin. Semua ttng leadership and serving and humilty and pride itu Tuhan lg ajar pdku. Seperti lukisan yg blom selesai tp aku "kira2" bisa membayangkannya.
So dr semua ini aku hanya bisa bersabar, bertrima kasih atas semua org yg Tuhan pake utk menjadi alat utk "mengasah" aku. Baikpun itu enak ato tdk enak, sakit ngk sakit Tuhan melakukanya demi kebaikan aku.
Thank you for your wisdom and understanding Lord. Kl ngk ada hikmat and Firman dr Tuhan aku bakal hilang dan "mati" dlm kebodohan dan kemanusian aku.
Father
As I walked into the church service yesterday morning I bumped into my Pastor and shook his hands. As I greeted him the Holy Spirit spoke the word 'father' to my heart. I didn't know what it meant. I mean I know that my Pastor is my spiritual father but other than that it didn't make any sense. (I also felt a spiritual, compassionate connection to Him) But I just brushed it off and went into the service.
After the praise & worship came the preaching. And when I saw my Pastor again the Holy Spirit spoke the word 'Father' again. And I repeated the same answer 'Yes he is my spiritual father. So what?' I said 'I have a paternal father.' And what does your paternal father do for you? I said 'Well he helps me alot when I need him. He will do anything for me even if he doesn't have to. Like taking me places and picking me up like he's my personal driver. I mean my dad is a taxi driver by occupation but I don't necessarily have to make him pick me up and drop me to places. But he stil does it for me anyways because I am his daughter and he loves me.'
Just like our Father in Heaven. If our paternal father would drop everything and do anything for us how much more will our Father in Heaven do for us? That's what the Holy Spirit reminded me. I have to keep in being thankful for what I have.
Moving onto the sermon and about my Pastor. As I sat there listening to Him my compassion grew stronger towards him. Like there was something driving me towards him. It was weird. What was even more weird was I was note taking (as usual in every servie for my personal use) I felt like I wasn't writing. It felt like everything my Pastor was sharing was somehow "being spit out into my notebook" through my writing. I can't explain it, so it may sound jumbled to you now.
I just felt the strong urge to write it all down and as I did it I asked God what it meant. And He answered: you need to have a chat with your Pastor. Tell him about the compassionate feeling you have. It's a compassionate feeling that I've given you so you can feel for others. Tell him about your note taking.'
So I've come to the conclusion that:
-I have to have a chat with my Pastor
-Ask God more about this 'compassionate' feeling I have for others in need
-What does He want me to do with it?
And sure enough just as the peraching ended my Pastor was in tears because of God's revelation for him. And as I was there I asked God 'is this what yo're showing? Are you showing me this to tell me that I need to speak with him?'
I seriously don't know what it means. Even right now as I write this in this blog, it doesn't make any sense at all. I don't understand. All I know is that I may ahve to speak to my Pastor.
Lord, help me understand all of this. Lead me to direction you want me to take.
Talk the walk Steph!
Yesterday I had a Bible Study (SOM III) exam. I've progressed unto level 3 of my studies and it was time for me to preach, share, bring the word to an audience. (Whatever you'd like to call it.)
We had 3 assessors who were also our teachers during the semester. I guess to some extent I was comfortable sharing in front of them since I've known them for quite some time through church. But despite being comfortable and at ease the feeling of nervousness as you're about to share does not fade away. Despite having done many speeches or presentations we all still feel nervous when presenting.
So anyways I had prepared my sharing from a week ago. So I felt I was ready to present. I shared about 'rubber band'/stretching (my story in my previous posts but with Biblical supportation).
At yesterday's persentation I was the last one to go and present. It was late afternoon, we had all been in the classroom for almost 3 hours, we were all tired (well at least I was). I was ready to wrap up the day and go home.
So I went up and did my presentation. Aware of the time, late afternoon and other obligations we all had, I cut out one of my verses that I was going to use as a point. It was my own doing because I wanted to condense what I had written.
Anyways, I got through the presentation really well. I mean I didn't choke up! Hehehe...
It was time for feedback. And I love receiving feedback. I'm always looking for input and suggestions as to how I can improbe and be better next time. It's not to say I'm a "oush over" and will do whatever people say because I do have my own groundings but I'm learning to have the attitude of 'self improvement.' There's no harm in that and of course everyone wants to learn and be better!
So I was looking forward to the feedback. Especially since I've learnt to love sharing and to some extent preaching. And also because I was going to get feedback from more experienced people.
So the feedback I got included:
-really great, was blessed, well structured, double thumbs up
-clear, good body language and eye contact, great message, good use of illustration and Biblical examples. We've watched you progress from level 1 where you did the paper exam up until now where you present to an audience, you've improved and grown maturely. [You seem different.] You're always looking for ways to be better and you want to learn, so it's great. Only thing to improve would be to shorten the sharing title and fluctuate the voice.
-great message, no problem with the content. Only improvement would be to always use Biblical verses as main point and own experience as sub point. Remember to always bring everything abck to the Word of God because that's what you're sharing about. A little less motivational and little more Biblical focused.
It was all such a great experience for me! I accpeted and loved the feedback because now I know where I need to improve. I leanrt that if I had gotten all positive feedback then it would casue to me be proud of myself. But God is good! He is always keeping me humble!
So I'm looking forward to the one-on-one consultations with the Bible Study (SOM III) teachers and my church Pastors. I'm looking forward to stepping further into the fulfillment of His calling upon my life!
I'm appreciative that God has used the people around me such as my Bible Study teachers and my Pastors to help me find my way in finding and completing my purpose in life. Thank you.
Also because...
(I've learnt that I'm also in this job) so I can be stretched! Stretched so I can reach that success that God has already planned for my life. Stretched so I can grab that miracle. Stretching so I can build my confidence around affluent people. Stretched so I can improve my communication skills. Stretched so I can make a network where ever I go. Stretched so I can reach the fulfillment of my destiny that He has placed for me.
As Jentzeen Franklin wrote in his book 'Believe that you can.' He stated: Have you ever had God push you into something you would have never voluntarily jumped into? Success is facing the challenges of life and not shrinking back from them. Every person God has ever used had to stretch.
So enjoy your period of stretching. Don't run away! Endure it and you will reap the rewards!
