I now see the fruits of my surrenderance.
My previous post was about me chasing down Him and His ways for me to do work experience in Jakarta. Since then He has truly shown me how great and awesome He is in my life.
My heart is full to gratitude to He who has and will continually provide for me.So to pick up the events of my last blog post, I have been surrendering all in His hands. Over the weekend nothing much really happened in terms of confirmation of work experience in Indo.
Honestly, I began "itching" again for the pen. I was beginning to think that I should grab the pen that I had already surrendered to Him and just do it my way. Make things happen through my own will and ways. But I scolded by God. He was teaching me that as I have surrendered to Him, I need to wait on Him.
So I obeyed until Wednesday (yesterday) when a friend of mine said that he was going to see our church Pastor. My mum suggested that I should go and see the Pastor and ask her to pray for me and maybe God will say something as to what I should do next. And as my friend encouraged me, I went.
But before I went, I had taken my grandma (mum's aunty) to the airport. She was one of the people who God used to tell me that I should go to Jakarta. And when I saw her, she told me to just go whether you get confirmation or not. When you get there, God will open another door for you. At this, I simply said 'yes grandma.' She was very insistent on me going. And I guess I just needed a final confirmation from Him.
And that's why I decided to go to see my Pastor. I told her everything about my current situation. At first she agreed with my mum about not going to Indo and working here. But when I told her the rest of the story she concluded that I should go and do it. She had changed her mind because she saw my obedient heart of when my mum said no then no. She said that it was
your obedient heart that turn your mum's heart. Plus, what's more is that she is the key that I had been waiting for to open up the door to do work experience in Indo. She said that she will speak to her contacts and get me a work placement with one of the biggest TV stations in Indo.
This was the gift that God was waiting to give me. This was the reward that He had set aside for me.My Pastor had been the 8th person to bring the confirmation from God about doing this work experience.What I've learnt from this whole experience is that:
- don't wait until God "hits you over the head" with His mighty force. If He has given you signs, confirmations don't wait until the 8th one like me!
- trust Him wholeheartedly. When you think you want the 'pen' (control) back, stop and trust Him.
- be patient. His ways are much more greater than your own.
- use the 'free time' to praise and worship Him. Use the time to socialize with Him and seek His secrets.
- praise and worship is a great way to 'connect' with Him. It will replace all your sorrows, troubles, pain and suffering to peace and joy.
- if He has called you to 'jump' then 'jump.' Don't think, calculate just do it!
- His love for your is so great so don't think for a second that He is far from your prayers.
- start everything you do with a prayer. You requests that are founded on prayers will surely bring you success. And anything other that prayers will only bring you trouble.
- obey your parents. Learn to obey them as they are His representatives on earth.
So guys, step out in faith and in surrenderance!!! Understand that your every tear is contained by Him, your every prayer is heard by His open ears, your every heart beat is felt by Him. His heart is yours from now on and forever. SO take it!
Time to make it happen...
So I'm on break now until Feb next year and I'm looking for work experience. I want to try and do something in TV but the limited number of TV stations in Sydney is making it hard. Also they only accept those who are in their final year.
So I was talking to my mum the other day. (As usual she IS REALLY my walking talking journal, haha..) I told her what if I went to Indo for the break? She initially rejected the idea. She said that I should try here in Australia first. So I did, I have an application to fill out for an internship in Sydney and I called a tv station and they only recruit final year students.
So I was a little down about it. I wasn't really in a good that day until I went to KM (prayer meeting) where my friends were talking about their experiences in looking for work. It was tough. What I had gone through was nothing compared to them. I had only gone through it for a few days and they had been going through it for months.
So I wrestled with myself and concluded that in His time I will get something.
The next morning, my mum called me and told me that I should call up my aunt (a Pastor's wife) in Jakarta who has a familial relationship with the owner of one of the major TV stations in Indonesia. My mum said that your aunt might be able to get you work experience there.
But I said to mum: 'you didn't want me to do work experience overseas? What changed your mind?' She said if this is what you want, you need to pursue it. We (mum and dad) will support you.
And that's when
I realised how much my parents have supported me through all my endevours, no matter how costly or strange, they always supported me. And I will always be grateful to them.So yesterday I called my aunt and she was open to the idea. She said that she will introduce me to the owner and get the ball rolling. YAY! I'm soooo excited!
I mean even if they make me to crap stuff at least I'm IN the industry and tasting what's like.
I spoke with another aunt last night (ANOTHER Pastor's wife) and told her about my plan. She was just as excited as I was. But I told her my concern of saving up the money first. But she said to me
if you have the vision, the means will be provided by Him. But if your vision is not clear then of course your means will not be sufficient or fall through. She advised me to just pray upon it, do it and He will make the rest happen.
So at the moment I'm in 'prayer mode' and I put my faith and hope that it will all come to pass not by my will but by His will in my life.
I think its time for me to chase down my dreams. Starting today. Wish me luck people!!! =)
Kidddddddddssssssssss..............
I'M NOT COMPLAINING! Just relaying my feelings. I've learnt alot about kids, nuturing, discipline, teaching etc. in these past 2 days.
Don't get me wrong, I love kids but after 2 days with them, this whole 'children' thing has been put into perspective. REAL PERSPECTIVE!
Yesterday I was taking care of 8 boys and 1 girl for 4 hours with one other teacher. At first it was going good and I liked it until an argument broke out about a game and inappropriate language was shared between the children.
At times like this is when you realise how precious your words are and how to be very mindful of them.
My instant reaction was to reprimand the child and let his parents know. And I did.
And the issue was resolved. But the rest of the afternoon, I found myself in a very "sticky" situation. I mean all this time I thought and acted as though 'everything is fine. I can handle it' kind of thing but after yesterday I realised how hard it is to be a parent. There are of course moments when I love them to bits but then there are times when you turn a blind eye to their wrong doing just for the sake of 'oh, they're so cute!'
And today we had an early Christmas Celebration. I was exhausted. I spent almost the whole at church. I was shouting, yelling and screaming to get the childrens' attention during games. It's funny now that I think about it. I go to youth and say tomyself I can't yell about God's grace in my life but when in Sunday School I can yell and even scream to get the childrens' attention.
I know this shouldn't be funny yet it's more of a wake call of how I should react and behave in certain situations.
But after all this, I've learnt:
- children are very delicate
- be mindful of what you say
- treat others the way you want to be treated
- discipline children with love, not with hateful words
- there is so much to learn from child rearing
- you can only do your best.
This experience has taught me to love both the good and the bad of every child.
They can only be as good as you can show them to be. =)
You can't expect to be perfect!
I'm learning that you can't be the best at everything.And the things you are best at you should continue to work on and develop.
I'm appreciative of the J2 (journalism) journey. Though it was tough, I made it to the end.
There were definitely times when I wanted to give up. When thoughts of failure loomed.
Though my liking for journalism hasn't taken a negative turn, I've learnt that maybe (just maybe) journalism was only a stepping block for me to do something else. During high school (my formative years)
I've always had the "dream" to do international relations, diplomacy, foreign correspondence. After speaking to my career advisor she suggested that that is something you can do after you get a degree. She suggested to do a media course and work from there. I trusted her opinion and went for it.
And now after completing a diploma in Communications and half way through my bachelors degree in Journalism, that "dream" had somewhat disappeared. I had totally forgetten about it. Especially since this course had been so consuming, I did even have time to think back as to why I'm doing this course in the first place. The demands and pressures of journalism had replaced my desire and dream for international relations.
My "dream" had been renewed during this past week, between final assessments and the start of the break. I asked myself 'so what now? are you going to work in media? in journalism?'
My answers 'I'm not sure. Journalism was not my first priority. I wanted to do something else and I was just doing it as a stepping block.'
And so I've decided that journalism is a stepping block for me. A stepping block for me to do what I really wanted to do. I know it may sound naive or whatever but I'm learning that I'm not here to chase down the dreams of other people, or doing things because people say that I'm good at it or even bad at it and so I shouldn't do it. But I'm here to chase down what I want for me.
And by this I guess I'm saying that journalism is not my ultimate goal. But it does not rule out any possibility of me working in the industry.
I still like it but my ultimate "dream" is now renewed and focus is on that.
I no longer write, I just follow...
These past few weeks (well months to be specific) I've learnt that the word
'surrenderance' is not just about me giving my life to Him but rather
Him asking me to give EVERYTHING.For those who don't know me, I'm a person who like to 'control.' Well 'control' in the sense that I like to know how things happen and when things happen. I need details, I need specific details.
But lately I've learnt through His messages for me through sermons, Pastors' messages for me and Him speaking to me directly about how I need to surrender it all. Surrendering all the details, of how things will come to pass and giving it all to Him.
Another event that has supported this lesson God is teaching me is through the promotion in my ministry. One of the ministries that I do (Sunday School) has been a passion of mine. And yesterday one of the leaders had called my friend and I to meet her. Basically, what she said was 'I want to promote you guys..'
I know that the old Stephanie would be making excuses:'no, I can't. I don't have time. I'm not equipped. I'm not smart enough.' But I'm learning that
He is saying that it's not about the HOW things will happen but rather the 'WILLINGNESS' of me to do it anyways.I'm taking this promotion as a sign from Him that He wants to do greater things and that I have no right to say no!
Besides you will never know how high you will soar in life unless you "jump."So don't be the writer of your life anymore. Let Him write your story and you just relax, read the story and enjoy the journey ahead.
Very thankful!
I handed in my final project for one of my subjects today. I'm not too sure as to how I went in that project as the subject outline was not very clear. I just hope it is enough to get me a good mark with that class.
I know that I have done my best and I shall give the rest to Him who will supply me with the BEST result!But overall I quite happy with it. =)
I got my grade for one of my presentations today. I was extremely happy with seeing as that I thought I didn't do too great of a job with it. But I'm appreciative of the grade and it is motivating me more now to work harder for my final essay.
I know that it had not been the fruits of my hand that rewarded me such a great mark but it truly was by His grace in life.I also know more and more each day that I live by His providence and not that of people in this world.I tend to compare myself with other people, people around me, my friends and family. But I'm becoming increasing open to the fact that I live my life my way and not according to the ways of others.
I'm learning that I'm not control of everything in my life but whatever control I do have I surrender it to Him for He is and will do so much more with it than I can never make of it by my own hands.
Radiooooooo.......
So we did a live radio recording today. I was the newsreader. I was really excited! But I did encounter some technical problems. I've learnt to do better next time.
I know now that I like broadcasting. I want to pursue it. I need to learn to be more confident. And I need to look into work experience.
I know I can't fix up the mistakes I did today in radio but I know I can prevent them from happening again next time.
I can only love and learn. =)
