Blood is NOT thicker than water.
After a long time contemplating and hard thinking whether to post this, I have decided to do so because its really irritating the fact that I am restrained from telling anyone else. -you may think its ironic that i can't tell anyone else but i can tell the world of bloggers this. i guess i feel safe in saying this because you may not really know who i am but anyways, this is it -
'Bloods Thicker Than Water' So not true! No matter how much you give in, its never enough. All the hush hush, secrets, betrayals, lies, and most of all: cover-ups about certain things will never be enough to people who are only out to serve themselves, even though they are your own family members. (sounds like a movie? its not, its my life)
I've been known, in my overly large family, as the "secret-keeper". But even a "secret-keeper" has his/her limits, right?
Anyways, I guess I'm just too tired from keeping family secrets and lies that if I'm fuelled up with anymore secrets, I could explode and expose it all.
You might think, 'so what kind of secrets etc?' Well, how about the ones about ...............(afraid to disclose this information. I'm deeply sorry). This may seem to you something small and of not great scale but coming from a conservative, religious, and in a sense a traditional family, these things DO NOT and are NOT allowed to happen. I've been trusted with the faith that I will not say anything but even so, if you treat me pretty badly then you know, something might bite your butt without you knowing. (to say it in a softer manner)
Without revealing much, and without getting "disowned" my family and relatives, I guess I'm just trying to express the point that treat people with the same respect in which you would like to be treated. Not anymore, not any less.
It's for Charity.
Last Saturday, I was given tickets to watch a concert of 2 famous Indonesian music artists, of which the male artist is the winner of the 2004 Indonesian Idol. The purpose of this concert was to attract funds for the Starbright Foundation, which is a charity that provides for the homeless in Indonesia. So, I thought 'yeah why not go its for charity'.
When I got to the concert, I could see that there were still plenty of seats empty. The event was scheduled to begin at 7pm but ended up starting at 7.30pm. (knowing that this is an Indonesian event, you would be stupid to think that eveything starts on time) So, I was thinking this is real bad, the event starting later than scheduled, and still having plenty of seats empty is a real terrible way to start the night off. All I wanted to do was just get the performers on and get things started and so eventually it began.
After enduring the painful and lame jokes and games (yeah, games. They had games at the concert.unusual) that was scheduled the conert began and ended at 10pm.
Through this concert, I came to the realisation and appreciation of my parent's culture. Me being born and brought up in a Western culture but taught with Eastern (Asian) values and traditions, I never really emersed myself in my Asian culture. I had always been surrounded by everything opposite to what my parents had experienced, but for one night at a concert - lame concert, I think - I actually experienced and enjoyed in my own celebration of Asian culture. To see Indonesian music artists and their own different interpretations to songs and music was so different to what I know and what I am accustomed to, to the fact that it has opened up a whole new way of seeing not just music but also my Asian culture that I may have negelected all this time because I had no understanding as to how to 'tap into it'.
Also, through this concert I have come to appreciate what I have and my life seeing that this concert had been for charity. It was, in my opinion, a good cause despite staring the event on a real bad note. It's for Charity, that's what mattered!
Youth Group.
I was contemplating whether to go to my youth group or not last night as I was extremely tired and felt I had a long day yesterday. But eventually I made the decision to go. Looking back now, I don't regret it at all. I was motivated and inspired within the space of 3 hours. My perspectives about the direction of my life, what I wanted and what I desired was tested and challenged.
The sharing last night was about DESIRE. What is it that I want from my life? What has been my ultimate dream and goal in life? Is my present position in life heading towards that goal? These were the questions that were streaming around my mind as I was listening to the sharing. Then it occured to me! I was at a total mess in the domains of my desires. I have been so caught up in the tangles of materialism, worldly success, that I was trading my ultimate dreams for short lasting dosages of wealth, success, and to please other people, that may lead me to nowhere in life. As these thoughts were meandering in my mind, I was attempting to regain my thoughts as to 'what is my desire?', and 'what is it that I want to achieve?' I began to make mental notes to myself: take charge of my future, and to make what I want a reality, which is to be best I can potentially be in all aspects in life.
The sharing was inspiring for me as it IGNITED my desire and dreams back. To make it ALIVE and not just something that might be written in black and white. Not theory but PRACTICE. The most important thing I learnt from last night's sharing was that a desire will only be desire if you do not take action towards the development of your desire. It becomes real only if you STEP UP and take actions that will help in the achieving and accomplishment of your dream.
So I now pose you the question, "what is your desire?", "what is it that you want from life?". You may not realise but just expressing your desire is one step in the process of making your desire/dream into becoming reality.
As I'm writing this blog, I guess I'm not just encouraging myself to TAKE HOLD of my desire/dream and run with it, but also to inspire and motivate those around me and those reading this. See that your desires and dreams matter and that it is your desires that maximise your potential!
Mandarin Class.
Today, I had another Mandarin lesson. I had to memorise alot of characters, which was very frustrating as the charcters were becoming more and more harder to memorise.
When I was at home, before going to my lesson, I was practising the pronunciation of the characters...I began to realise the great difficulty it is to learn and practice a language as complex as Mandarin. (at least that's what I think) On that trail of thought, it also occured to me that now I know the emotional feelings that incur with the studying of another language. The frustration and the stress of learning a new language that has a whole new set of meanings, rules, and customs that need to be considered, is harder than I first imagined it would be.
In retrospection, of this emotionally tiring experience, I have come to the appreciation of the great value of leaning another language is, espcially in today's society. I have now personally felt the "pains" of learning another language, as I have now come to see that, as English and Indonesian have been a language I have grown up with, Mandarin is a total new ball game for me.
My first class as a Teacher.
Wahh.. today was a huge achievement for me! I conducted my first Sunday School class ALONE! With no help from any other teacher..This is a huge step for me as I have only joined a couple of months ago with the exciting Kidz' Church group at my local church..and I SURVIVED! Among the cries and sorrows of the 4 year olds', wanting to play games all the time, I managed to get through the long yet enjoyable 3 hours! I survived it without nothing to lose and so much more to gain...I got to know the kids even more, which (I hope) will build the foundations of a stronger relationship between myself and the kids and also between them and the greater external source of strength, whom I fondly call God.
Though I'm sitting now in my room and thinking back to the past earlier hours of today, I suffer from the aches of yelling and screaming "Bob! stop running around and come sit down with me..." or "hey! sharing is caring!" (luckily I scraped out of the room with minor injuires like a few texta colourings on my shirt, hahaha)
But all in all, I try not to look to all the hard things that I had endured when I look back now at conducting my first Sunday School class, such as the yelling, the chasing, the angry feelings I had towards the security guard who did not want to open the door for me. I know and believe that it was all worth it.
In hindsight, I experienced an enjoyable, fun, and creative day with my Sunday School Kids. (see the mess they made, which I had to clean up, in the pic)
pic
randomz..
testing random post
